Here’s what’s happening in my life:
The weather girls over here, who are not to be trusted, have once again predicted that Britain will have a scorcher of a summer. They do this all the time, I find, and Manchester never sees any sort of promised result. Sure they get droughts down South sometimes but even in the summer it rains here up North at least twice a week if not more. So, Manchester isn’t the sort of burgh that makes you feel like sunbathing or stripping down or running through sprinklers or even smiling broadly if you get what I mean.
I want to get that summery feeling but I don’t have the atmospheric-based motivating factor. Still, even in Manchester it does warm up a few notches and I’ll do my best to work with what I got. There might even be a few days where I force myself to indulge in some sandal wearing.
Beyond talking about the weather, another event in my life right now is the moving from one flat to another. That’s right. I said ‘flat’. Don’t worry, I still pronounce ‘basil’ the right way.
My partner and I are getting a mortgage! No…no…stop…please, you DON’T have to thank me for fixing the housing crisis. I’m no hero. It’s just a modest flat in town, but after renting for about 15 years, it’ll feel nice to be paying off our own mortgage and not someone else’s. As part of the moving process, we’ve also arranged to go over to The States and collect some crap that I’ve been promising to move from my Mom’s house for about 5 years. She hasn’t been nagging me or anything, I just want it over here. Things like desk lamps, nice wine glasses, this cool kitchen rack we got at an arts fair, (maybe some of my action figures, don’t tell Karey), that sort of thing. It’s the type of effort where I need to rent space on a crate and ship it over.
How are these two things tied together? Well, that’s today’s great thing:
166. Super Soakers
Because, when I go home, I’m totally getting my arsenal of them from the garage and shipping them over. I can’t wait to skulk around corners and soak my limey friends. Even if it does rain almost every day, getting watergunned down is still going to smart. That’ll teach them for mocking the way I say ‘basil’.
I love pranking when I’m the one doing it. Though I am quickest to react in an unreasonable fashion when I am the target.
It would seem that even us liberals can’t resist the allure of pointing and shooting projectiles at one another. I was very proud of my little arsenal of toy guns. I had one quite realistic looking toy handgun that made a good realistic blammo shooting noise, I had a potato gun, three handcrafted rubber band guns from a school trip to Boston, and three Super Soakers. Oh, and two pairs of nunchuks. And a bo staff. And very few friends.
Super Soakers represented a major breakthrough in water shooting technology. I mean, it seriously revolutionized the ways in which you could torment your mom, babysitter, or best friend. A brief history:
In 1990 Larami (just like the cigarettes on The Simpsons!) first unleashed the water pressure-based marvel. (Larami was later bought out by Hasbro. Hasbro now puts a Nerf imprint on the guns). The wonderful gadget was invented by American hero Lonnie Johnson (move over George Washington Carver…Black history month is all about this guy from now on.) He’s also authored spacecraft power systems and is working on developing new energy devices Don’t get too distracted by these ‘side-projects’, Lonnie! The world needs new Super Soakers!
Here are two of the models I have:
You never forget your first.
The training wheels were off. My second gun.
But, I got nothing on this guy. Check out his collection: ChrisReid
Honestly, that patch of grass with all the Super Soakers on display reminds me of that scene in The Matrix where they step into the white space and the rows of guns just come flying out of nowhere. Now THAT’S an arsenal.
Watergunning innovations introduced by Super Soaker include the marketing of water bandoliers, water storage backpacks, and even a gun with an ice chamber so the stream is absolutely frigid when it hits your pal in the moobs. As far as I know, these toys have NOT been associated with any abuses of the Geneva Convention…but maybe they SHOULD be.
What’s the biggest baddest Super Soaker ever made? As far as I know, the Super Soaker Monster XL is still the Guinness World Record holder for the biggest water gun ever made. It is no longer on sale and you can now find them on eBay for about three hundred bucks (if it’s still in the box). This gun is so over the top that it could be filed into the same category as Hummers, pectoral implants, and Maxim magazine. Anybody using this big of a water gun is compensating for something:
Pretty sure the water pressure from this one would actually wound you and not just soak you.
Looking for cool Super Soaker vids, I found an astonishing number of amateur Jack-Asses who have assembled their own flame-thrower using the gun as a framework. Looks awesome but scary and I don’t think I’ll be trying it myself. Google those for yourself if you will. I don’t want to be seen as promoting anything that might make it into the Anarchist’s Cookbook here on the site.
But, I did find a video to end this post with a wee bit of fun. I actually think it’s a skillfully made short. It seriously builds tension–makes you wait for SOMEONE to get soaked. Who is gonna get a chest-full of H2O? Tune in and see! Enjoy this Roberto Rodriguez-esqe Super Soaker moment:
