August 3, 2011

And Now, A Personal Message…

Hello blog-reader.  I’m taking a quick break from the regularly scheduled list of great things to plug the show I’m doing in Edinburgh.

You may or may not know that I pursue stand-up comedy.  I work a lovely and forgiving day job full of nice people and kind policies like flexi-time and good vacation packages.  But, by night, I do stand-up as often as I can.  What you may not know is that  I am ALSO a writer and performer in a Manchester-based sketch troupe called The Tourists.  We’ve done some shows and festivals locally, but we’re really:

a. excited

b. scared

c. humbled

d. chewy

to be part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this year.  (The cool kids call it ‘The Fringe’).  It is the biggest arts festival in the world. That’s right, smooch, pow, click, THE WORLD!

The guy on the left knows what I'm talking about...

Here are some stats that I lifted straight off of Wikipedia:

The Fringe 2009 sold 1,859,235 tickets[3] for 34,265 performances of 2,098 shows in 265 venues, over 25 days,[2] for an average of over 74,000 admissions and 1,300 performances per day. There were an estimated 18,901 performers, from 60 countries.

Born in 1946, you’d  think that this annual influx of traffic would make this tidy and historic city of Edinburgh feel overly congested…and it does clog things up a bit…but it never quite feels as bad as Times Square at rush hour.

Bonny!

The festival showcases just about every art form that you can think of…from Shakespeare companies to flamenco dancers to rock bands but it is of mega import to the comedy world–especially if you’re looking to beef up your comedy resume in the UK.  It’s the goal of just about every UK comic to have a well-reviewed solo show in the Fringe Festival at least once in their lifetime if not a semi-annual pilgrimage with new material every few years or so.

Last year, I went for up for a weekend to merely view some shows as a tourist (the name of my sketch group!  coincidence…spooooooky), as I have every year since I arrived in the UK, and I managed to pick up about three 10 minute spots.  This is possible because there are SOOO many comedy shows going on every day that the comedy world needs the equivalent of a ‘supply teacher’ sort of agency to fill in for comics who have cancelled spots with late notice.

I shall definitely be pursuing more of the same this year.  I’m hoping to exercise my set quite regularly for the duration.  But the primary reason for travelling up this year is actually because of the aforementioned sketch show.  Details can be found here:

http://thetouristscomedy.com/

I’ll also be updating that sketch company blog with quickie reviews of shows I’ve seen and notices of when I’m lucky enough to snag some stand-up gigs.

There’s a ton I want to see this year.  Some big US comics are always over for the fest.  Can’t wait to see Hannibal Buress’s solo show.  I saw him last year at the Glasgow fest and he was great.  He writes for 30 Rock nowadays.  Also want to see Lee Camp–a terrific comic outright but he also writes killer political material.  A couple of terrific British sketch groups are on the go…Lady Garden, Wit Tank, Him & Me, etc…  Between picking up scrap of gigs, doing the daily show with the sketch group, and watching shows I hope to be a very busy bee.

Anyway come and see us, The Tourists, if you’re planning on a wonderful journey to the town that best resembles Diagon Alley.

Come for the culture, stay for the fried Mars Bars.

Part of a complete breakfast.

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July 19, 2011

The Circle Jerk of Life

As a person who is fond of animals–at one point in my life I even wanted to be a veterinarian–I have, in the past, made the common folly of underestimating them.  People who love animals will frequently assume that all animals do all the live-long day is lie around being all cute– rousing themselves occasionally to perform super-awesome acts of beastliness–like jumping high or running fast or swimming real good.  Humans are great at anthropomorphizing things.  We’ll put a human face/emotions/intentions on ANYTHING!  We’ll turn a choo-choo train into a beloved storybook character.  How much easier is it to do that if the object of our fantasy actually HAS a face and a heartbeat?  It’s understandable to think that animals are nothing but perfect, is all I’m saying.  We see how flawed WE can be and think that simpler life forms are more pure/good.  If you are an animal lover, you might think, for instance, that if you were to fall overboard in the ocean that there is a healthy chance that you would be saved by a friendly pod of dolphins– or that if you were stranded in the woods as an infant you might have been adopted and raised by a wolf pack–or that your pet snake is happy just eating those pre-dead mice you feed it and NOT hankering after your pet chihuahua.  What lovely fantasies we conjure.

Doesn't want to raise you...Only interested in you if you have snacks.

But the truth of the matter is, like everything in the world, animals have the capacity to be dicks.  I’ve known this heart-breaking truth for a while, I suppose.  But I was just reminded of it when I was watching a documentary.  I’m pretty sure it was a David Attenborough one.  Life, I think (which, in The States–for some bizarre reason–was narrated by Oprah Winfrey instead of Attenborough).  It detailed a bunch of killer whales chasing down a humpback whale and its calf.  The killer whales chased them so long and so hard that they eventually wore the mighty humpbacks down and ate the baby whilst the mother could do nothing in defense.  They ate only the tongue of the humpback calf and let the rest of its giant body slump to the sea floor where it would decay–a feast for the sea parasites.

It was sort of terrible to witness.  But the point is–maybe animals are more like people than we thought!  They’re mean when they want to be, heartless, wasteful, and prone to gang violence.

They even play class warfare.  There are caste systems in nature!  Check out these snow monkeys acting like mega-douches…just awful:

Snow Monkeys Are Terrible People!

The thought of animals being immoral with each other doesn’t always have to be bleak and depressing, however.  Sometimes it can be hilarious!  That’s why I’ve chosen a terrific website as today’s great thing:

167. Animals Being Dicks (the website)

animalsbeingdicks.com  Go on…click it!!!!

The website is a collection of ‘gifs’ (compressed video files?  Tech nerds?  A little help?) which illustrate real life examples of animals acting like jerks.  Whether you’re in the market for a parrot pushing a turtle off a high ledge, a dog farting directly in another dog’s face, or a cat using a Roomba as a mobile attack vehicle, this is your one stop shop for animals being complete jagoffs.

What a great idea for a web page.  You just know there’s a treasure trove of these clips out there.  I check in just about every day and there’s always a new entry up if not two…I’m just surprised nobody thought of it sooner.  Animals have been dicks forever!

Check out these historic examples:

Shithead the dog...falsely announced fires.

A llama spit on me once. For real. What a d-bag. I wasn't even DOING anything.

OK...this guy actually might have it coming.

It just takes a leader…someone to organize this stuff for us really, doesn’t it.  So, thanks go out, in this case to one John Williams.  Here is his home page.  Johnlovesyou.com  Thanks for doing this, John!  Your country needed you and you stepped up to the plate.

Meanwhile, perhaps this should serve as a reminder to all of humanity that we are not alone in this world.  We are all connected with our fellow living creatures and even the elements.  For there is nothing under the sun that is NOT a dick.  Whether it be:

The Wind: I am STORM! MISTRESS OF THE ELEMENTS! AND I'M GOING TO EFF UP YOUR HAIRDO!

The Wind!:  I really do hate the wind sometimes.  Unless you’re flying a kite or need an airborne seed swept away somewhere, what is it good for?  It’s all in your face…making it harder to walk…blowing crap into your eyeballs and totally destroying that meticulous hairstyle you were trying to work.

The Sea: Hey, I built this city for yo--oh crap. Thanks a lot, Poseidon!

The Sea!:  The ocean has swallowed so many of our fine towns and eaten so many of our boats and sailors.  Yet that is never enough.  It continues to erode our shores and thanks to global warming we will probably all be under it one day soon.  I better learn how to use a fork as a comb, ala Little Mermaid.

And Beyond!: Look at this...even intelligent life from the outer stretches of the universe disappoints. Yeah, thanks for the wang graffiti. Buncha interstellar jerkoffs.

And Beyond!:  You think you can escape earth’s gravitational pull (gravity is also a jerk) and find some utopia where there are no bellends?  You are wrong.  Real aliens don’t want to come down here and make our old people happy like the ones in Cocoon.  No, they just want to do flybys and draw penises in our lawn.

It’s one of the great truths in this world.  Everyone/thing is a dick.  Or…at least has the capacity to BE a dick.  It’s learning the coping mechanisms that helps you get by in this life–schadenfreude is a great coping mechanism as animalsbeingdics.com proves…  And hat ownership…that helps too…when the wind blows…

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June 24, 2011

Welcome To The Gun Show

Here’s what’s happening in my life:

The weather girls over here, who are not to be trusted, have once again predicted that Britain will have a scorcher of a summer.  They do this all the time, I find, and Manchester never sees any sort of promised result.  Sure they get droughts down South sometimes but even in the summer it rains here up North at least twice a week if not more.  So, Manchester isn’t the sort of burgh that makes you feel like sunbathing or stripping down or running through sprinklers or even smiling broadly if you get what I mean.

I want to get that summery feeling but I don’t have the atmospheric-based motivating factor.  Still, even in Manchester it does warm up a few notches and I’ll do my best to work with what I got.  There might even be a few days where I force myself to indulge in some sandal wearing.

Beyond talking about the weather, another event in my life right now is the moving from one flat to another.  That’s right.  I said ‘flat’.  Don’t worry, I still pronounce ‘basil’ the right way.

My partner and I are getting a mortgage!  No…no…stop…please, you DON’T have to thank me for fixing the housing crisis.  I’m no hero.  It’s just a modest flat in town, but after renting for about 15 years, it’ll feel nice to be paying off our own mortgage and not someone else’s.  As part of the moving process, we’ve also arranged to go over to The States and collect some crap that I’ve been promising to move from my Mom’s house for about 5 years.  She hasn’t been nagging me or anything, I just want it over here.  Things like desk lamps, nice wine glasses, this cool kitchen rack we got at an arts fair, (maybe some of my action figures, don’t tell Karey), that sort of thing.  It’s the type of effort where I need to rent space on a crate and ship it over.

How are these two things tied together?  Well, that’s today’s great thing:

166.  Super Soakers

Because, when I go home, I’m totally getting my arsenal of them from the garage and shipping them over.  I can’t wait to skulk around corners and soak my limey friends.  Even if it does rain almost every day, getting watergunned down is still going to smart.    That’ll teach them for mocking the way I say ‘basil’.

I love pranking when I’m the one doing it.  Though I am quickest to react in an unreasonable fashion when I am the target.

It would seem that even us liberals can’t resist the allure of pointing and shooting projectiles at one another. I was very proud of my little arsenal of toy guns.  I had one quite realistic looking toy handgun that made a good realistic blammo shooting noise, I had a potato gun, three handcrafted rubber band guns from a school trip to Boston, and three Super Soakers.  Oh, and two pairs of nunchuks.  And a bo staff.  And very few friends.

Super Soakers represented a major breakthrough in water shooting technology.  I mean, it seriously revolutionized the ways in which you could torment your mom, babysitter, or best friend.  A brief history:

In 1990 Larami  (just like the cigarettes on The Simpsons!) first unleashed the water pressure-based marvel.  (Larami was later bought out by Hasbro.  Hasbro now puts a Nerf imprint on the guns).  The wonderful gadget was invented by American hero Lonnie Johnson (move over George Washington Carver…Black history month is all about this guy from now on.)  He’s also authored spacecraft power systems and is working on developing new energy devices  Don’t get too distracted by these ‘side-projects’, Lonnie!  The world needs new Super Soakers!

Here are two of the models I have:

You never forget your first.

The training wheels were off. My second gun.

But, I got nothing on this guy.  Check out his collection:  ChrisReid

Honestly, that patch of grass with all the Super Soakers on display reminds me of that scene in The Matrix where they step into the white space and the rows of guns just come flying out of nowhere.  Now THAT’S an arsenal.

Watergunning innovations introduced by Super Soaker include the marketing of water bandoliers, water storage backpacks, and even a gun with an ice chamber so the stream is absolutely frigid when it hits your pal in the moobs.  As far as I know, these toys have NOT been associated with any abuses of the Geneva Convention…but maybe they SHOULD be.

What’s the biggest baddest Super Soaker ever made?  As far as I know, the Super Soaker Monster XL is still the Guinness World Record holder for the biggest water gun ever made.  It is no longer on sale and you can now find them on eBay for about three hundred bucks (if it’s still in the box).  This gun is so over the top that it could be filed into the same category as Hummers, pectoral implants, and Maxim magazine.  Anybody using this big of a water gun is compensating for something:

Pretty sure the water pressure from this one would actually wound you and not just soak you.

Looking for cool Super Soaker vids, I found an astonishing number of amateur Jack-Asses who have assembled their own flame-thrower using the gun as a framework.  Looks awesome but scary and I don’t think I’ll be trying it myself.  Google those for yourself if you will.  I don’t want to be seen as promoting anything that might make it into the Anarchist’s Cookbook here on the site.

But, I did find a video to end this post with a wee bit of fun.  I actually think it’s a skillfully made short.  It seriously builds tension–makes you wait for SOMEONE to get soaked.  Who is gonna get a chest-full of H2O?  Tune in and see!  Enjoy this Roberto Rodriguez-esqe Super Soaker moment:

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May 19, 2011

The Face of All Saints

Nurse Jackie is one of those series that you just want to devour over a rainy weekend.  Living in Manchester, a city where rain is a daily threat, that’s exactly how Karey and I watched the first season .  And the second season.  Then we waited patiently for the start of third season (it was still raining after all).  Our pace has been forced to slow down now (because we can only GET one episode a week…not because we’ve lost interest) and as of today, we’re totally caught up to the current season.

I’d heard lots of great things about Nurse Jackie and had read all about Edie Falco’s superb and award-winning portrayal of the titular character + the clips that they would show on awards shows were always tantalizing.  But I really didn’t know much about the show beyond some basic plot points.  I had no idea, for instance, that its format was thirty minutes.  I thought it would be an hour-long drama–like The Sopranos.  But, it’s more like Sex and the City (before the last SATC movie made a whore of that groundbreaking show’s legacy).  It’s a thought-provoking dramedy with a wonderful supporting cast and alternating gasps and gags.  It was difficult to choose which aspect of the program to hone in on.  Seriously, all of the actors are adorable/sexy/completely awesome in their own way.  But–even though it’d be easy to write about grouchy Falco and her dykey Nurse Jackie hairdo, or the lovable glass-eyed lug Thor, or the super hot and well-heeled Brit Dr. O’ Hara–I’m going with the dark horse.

You are all contenders.

165.  Anna Deveare Smith as Gloria Akalitus

Anna Deveare Smith is a darling of the theatrical community.  I first heard her name when I was attending NYU–where I was decidedly NOT a darling of the theatre community.  All the people who actually knew about theater (I knew nothing) were raving about her one woman show.  Twilight: Los Angeles.  She played a billion characters in this one woman show which was pieced together with interviews after the LA riots.  She won a Drama Desk Award for it.

A native of Baltimore, the woman who plays Akalitus has other accolades as well.  She is currently the artist in residence for The Center for American Progress and she also won a MacArthur Fellowship in 1996.  So, you know…that’s pretty good.

Another awards ceremony? Wait, let me just put on my finest hats. Ok, ready.

She was also, reportedly, awesome in The West Wing, a program I have not yet viewed.

Yes, I AM good on that program. You should watch it.

When her character first appeared, I thought–right–this is the villain of the show.  She’s a straight up beurocratic pain in the ass.  She’s the hospital administrator–the baddie, we’re all going to love to hate.  In comparison to the heroic medical staff, who go above and beyond the rules, she’s just there to stop people from saving lives!!!….what with her clip board and crunched data and no fun skirt-suits.  But, I’m glad that by midway through the first season they sort of went a different direction.  I’m not saying she’s never the obstacle for the medical staff, but she’s much more human, hilarious, and fun to watch.  She feels more like someone who wants to be a constant ally but who has to deal with the real world whilst the others are away with the fairies.  Deveare Smith makes so much more out of a character that could have just been a stereotype and a constant foil to the heroic doctors and nurses.  Here she is talking a bit about the character.

So, award winning, theatrically trained, intelligent actress makes interesting acting choices on an acclaimed cable television series.  Slow news day, yes?  But that’s not really the whole story.  I think the main reason that I love Deveare Smith’s performance so much is because of the faces that she pulls.  I know it’s childish, but check it out and tell me it’s also not just completely adorable and sort of transfixing.  When she’s on screen I am just WAITING for that bit of gurning.  Half the time she looks like she’s straight out of the animation from Fantasia 2000′s  segment for Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue”.  The entire piece is here.  (Highly recommended viewing)

Or, if you can’t be bothered with a thirteen minute cartoon, here is a still.

Now, here is Deveare Smith’s face.

Am I right?  Who’s with me?

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April 29, 2011

Hammer Time

Flippin’ heck.  It seems that for ONCE,  a film has been released here in the UK before it was released in The States.  I’m always waiting around for an extra month or two to see the big films whilst my fellow Yanks Facebook it up about how much they loved the movies that we haven’t gotten over here yet.  And I’m not talking about some little Merchant Ivory British-funded indy fuffy-collared snoozefest…I’m talking mega-blockbuster stuff.  Because I swear by Odin’s beard, that I saw Thor on Wednesday.  Let’s talk about it as today’s great thing:

164.  Thor

So, just by the sheer fact that this is a blog about things I dig, you must have already assumed that this was going to be a positive review.  You are correct.  Thor is a well-made movie.  I went in with low expectations.  Because, let’s be honest–it had the potential to be a circus of superhero embarrassment.  Think about it, the script includes a guy with a winged helmet and magical hammer/a rainbow bridge/nasty frost giants.  Ridick!  And potentially helladumb.  But, it’s terrific– it’s entertaining, it’s wholesome, it looks expensive despite the lack of A-list celebs (well, minus Natalie Portman, that is).  Plus, I had racked up enough points on my AMC card that I got a free large popcorn and soda with purchase of my ticket.  Whatta day!  Nom nom.

What you have to consider, I suppose, is that–though Marvel co-opted the character for its pantheon of heroes–it is originally based on Nordic mythology.  As silly as some of the ancient mythological tales are, they will always have classic potential–just because everyone understands and respects the age and elements of myth.  So, even though Kenneth Branagh is a somewhat untested director–as far as blockbusters go–there is one thing he knows REAL good:  The Classics.  He is super genius in terms of Shakespearean material  and he did a pretty bang-up job in his retelling of Frankenstein.  And that’s what he was able to manipulate Thor into.–a classic.  He didn’t let us forget that he was dealing with was a tale of gods and mortals and it was fascinating.

Branagh--knows a thing or two about mythic characters.

Props to the casting director for picking a guy that actually looks like Thor.  So often, I’m disappointed with the selections made for superheroes.  Whilst Christian Bale PLAYED a good Batman, I don’t think he’s the perfect choice.  Even buffed up, he’s a bit too thin in the face and they could have dyed his hair jet black.  Yes, I’m picky, I know–typical fangirl reaction…but when you read the comics for years and years you get a definite and mostly consistent visual image and it’s disappointing when people don’t think it’s important.  The performance is important too but there are thousands of capable actors out there.  Get the perfect match of lookalike and good actor, you lazies!  Six foot-three Australian actor Chris Hemsworth, who was relatively unknown (only thing I know him from is his performance as Kirk’s dad in the recent Star Trek reboot), not only played the role well but groomed himself to match the current image of Thor as depicted in the Marvel Comics.

Well...I will look the part after some protein shakes.

There. That's better.

Though the film is just shy of two hours, it felt even leaner than that.  It started with a whizz bang–Thor is dropped onto Earth within the first five minutes, they rush into WHY that happened immediately, and then proceed to flip between Thor’s adventure in our realm and what is going on in Asgard with near perfect pacing.  I would almost go ahead and say that Branagh could have added ten minutes or so to flesh out Portman’s character a bit more (the girlfriend role is often an undernourished one in hero flicks.)  Could have also stood for another light entertainment style scene of Thor coming to terms with the difference between Earthlings and Asgardians (the diner scene–for instance–was adorable.)

Another reason to love this film is that, apparently, white supremacists hate it.  They’re pissed off that Idris Elba (of The Wire) plays Norse deity, Heimdall, and are urging a boycott.  Guardian Article

Obviously, this article just makes me love Marvel Comics even more.

In this instance, my whole stance about 'looking the part' does not apply. Heimdall is a secondary character and Elba is ragingly awesome. This casting is nerd-approved by me.

Finally, the picture cozily fits into the Marvel Universe.  Though it stands on its own, it also serves to rev up the nerd fan base for next year’s Avenger’s film.  (There is the standard “Easter Egg” after the credits roll as well.)

Hope they pull this trick off for Green Lantern.  That franchise faces similar difficulties as far as levels of preposterousness go.  (Magic space ring?  Intergalactic police force?  The power of imagination?)  I like the idea of Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan but I’m NOT crazy about how they’ve done his costume up.  I pray nightly for it.  Anyway, let’s look at Thor again, shall we?  I might be a big old homo, but my lord, look at those guns!!!

2 tickets please.

I’ll tell you what this film did…it made me, a bona-fide comic book fan, care more about a character who I haven’t paid that much attention to.  I’ve tried jumping onto Thor’s comic title before and have always left it after a few issues.  It’s just never been my thing.  From a blockbuster perspective, this is Iron Man all over again.  A less than immediately recognizable comic franchise has been made awesome.  Still…as much as I liked this incarnation of Thor, nothing can ever top that scene from Adventures in Babysitting.

Seriously, my sister and I thought this looked the double of my Uncle Leonard. Loved it. He is now Uncle Thor and that is why this is best.

Overall, I give Kenneth Branagh’s Thor 8.5 out of 10.  Here’s the trailer if you’re not already sold on it.

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