June 24, 2011

Welcome To The Gun Show

Here’s what’s happening in my life:

The weather girls over here, who are not to be trusted, have once again predicted that Britain will have a scorcher of a summer.  They do this all the time, I find, and Manchester never sees any sort of promised result.  Sure they get droughts down South sometimes but even in the summer it rains here up North at least twice a week if not more.  So, Manchester isn’t the sort of burgh that makes you feel like sunbathing or stripping down or running through sprinklers or even smiling broadly if you get what I mean.

I want to get that summery feeling but I don’t have the atmospheric-based motivating factor.  Still, even in Manchester it does warm up a few notches and I’ll do my best to work with what I got.  There might even be a few days where I force myself to indulge in some sandal wearing.

Beyond talking about the weather, another event in my life right now is the moving from one flat to another.  That’s right.  I said ‘flat’.  Don’t worry, I still pronounce ‘basil’ the right way.

My partner and I are getting a mortgage!  No…no…stop…please, you DON’T have to thank me for fixing the housing crisis.  I’m no hero.  It’s just a modest flat in town, but after renting for about 15 years, it’ll feel nice to be paying off our own mortgage and not someone else’s.  As part of the moving process, we’ve also arranged to go over to The States and collect some crap that I’ve been promising to move from my Mom’s house for about 5 years.  She hasn’t been nagging me or anything, I just want it over here.  Things like desk lamps, nice wine glasses, this cool kitchen rack we got at an arts fair, (maybe some of my action figures, don’t tell Karey), that sort of thing.  It’s the type of effort where I need to rent space on a crate and ship it over.

How are these two things tied together?  Well, that’s today’s great thing:

166.  Super Soakers

Because, when I go home, I’m totally getting my arsenal of them from the garage and shipping them over.  I can’t wait to skulk around corners and soak my limey friends.  Even if it does rain almost every day, getting watergunned down is still going to smart.    That’ll teach them for mocking the way I say ‘basil’.

I love pranking when I’m the one doing it.  Though I am quickest to react in an unreasonable fashion when I am the target.

It would seem that even us liberals can’t resist the allure of pointing and shooting projectiles at one another. I was very proud of my little arsenal of toy guns.  I had one quite realistic looking toy handgun that made a good realistic blammo shooting noise, I had a potato gun, three handcrafted rubber band guns from a school trip to Boston, and three Super Soakers.  Oh, and two pairs of nunchuks.  And a bo staff.  And very few friends.

Super Soakers represented a major breakthrough in water shooting technology.  I mean, it seriously revolutionized the ways in which you could torment your mom, babysitter, or best friend.  A brief history:

In 1990 Larami  (just like the cigarettes on The Simpsons!) first unleashed the water pressure-based marvel.  (Larami was later bought out by Hasbro.  Hasbro now puts a Nerf imprint on the guns).  The wonderful gadget was invented by American hero Lonnie Johnson (move over George Washington Carver…Black history month is all about this guy from now on.)  He’s also authored spacecraft power systems and is working on developing new energy devices  Don’t get too distracted by these ‘side-projects’, Lonnie!  The world needs new Super Soakers!

Here are two of the models I have:

You never forget your first.

The training wheels were off. My second gun.

But, I got nothing on this guy.  Check out his collection:  ChrisReid

Honestly, that patch of grass with all the Super Soakers on display reminds me of that scene in The Matrix where they step into the white space and the rows of guns just come flying out of nowhere.  Now THAT’S an arsenal.

Watergunning innovations introduced by Super Soaker include the marketing of water bandoliers, water storage backpacks, and even a gun with an ice chamber so the stream is absolutely frigid when it hits your pal in the moobs.  As far as I know, these toys have NOT been associated with any abuses of the Geneva Convention…but maybe they SHOULD be.

What’s the biggest baddest Super Soaker ever made?  As far as I know, the Super Soaker Monster XL is still the Guinness World Record holder for the biggest water gun ever made.  It is no longer on sale and you can now find them on eBay for about three hundred bucks (if it’s still in the box).  This gun is so over the top that it could be filed into the same category as Hummers, pectoral implants, and Maxim magazine.  Anybody using this big of a water gun is compensating for something:

Pretty sure the water pressure from this one would actually wound you and not just soak you.

Looking for cool Super Soaker vids, I found an astonishing number of amateur Jack-Asses who have assembled their own flame-thrower using the gun as a framework.  Looks awesome but scary and I don’t think I’ll be trying it myself.  Google those for yourself if you will.  I don’t want to be seen as promoting anything that might make it into the Anarchist’s Cookbook here on the site.

But, I did find a video to end this post with a wee bit of fun.  I actually think it’s a skillfully made short.  It seriously builds tension–makes you wait for SOMEONE to get soaked.  Who is gonna get a chest-full of H2O?  Tune in and see!  Enjoy this Roberto Rodriguez-esqe Super Soaker moment:

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May 19, 2011

The Face of All Saints

Nurse Jackie is one of those series that you just want to devour over a rainy weekend.  Living in Manchester, a city where rain is a daily threat, that’s exactly how Karey and I watched the first season .  And the second season.  Then we waited patiently for the start of third season (it was still raining after all).  Our pace has been forced to slow down now (because we can only GET one episode a week…not because we’ve lost interest) and as of today, we’re totally caught up to the current season.

I’d heard lots of great things about Nurse Jackie and had read all about Edie Falco’s superb and award-winning portrayal of the titular character + the clips that they would show on awards shows were always tantalizing.  But I really didn’t know much about the show beyond some basic plot points.  I had no idea, for instance, that its format was thirty minutes.  I thought it would be an hour-long drama–like The Sopranos.  But, it’s more like Sex and the City (before the last SATC movie made a whore of that groundbreaking show’s legacy).  It’s a thought-provoking dramedy with a wonderful supporting cast and alternating gasps and gags.  It was difficult to choose which aspect of the program to hone in on.  Seriously, all of the actors are adorable/sexy/completely awesome in their own way.  But–even though it’d be easy to write about grouchy Falco and her dykey Nurse Jackie hairdo, or the lovable glass-eyed lug Thor, or the super hot and well-heeled Brit Dr. O’ Hara–I’m going with the dark horse.

You are all contenders.

165.  Anna Deveare Smith as Gloria Akalitus

Anna Deveare Smith is a darling of the theatrical community.  I first heard her name when I was attending NYU–where I was decidedly NOT a darling of the theatre community.  All the people who actually knew about theater (I knew nothing) were raving about her one woman show.  Twilight: Los Angeles.  She played a billion characters in this one woman show which was pieced together with interviews after the LA riots.  She won a Drama Desk Award for it.

A native of Baltimore, the woman who plays Akalitus has other accolades as well.  She is currently the artist in residence for The Center for American Progress and she also won a MacArthur Fellowship in 1996.  So, you know…that’s pretty good.

Another awards ceremony? Wait, let me just put on my finest hats. Ok, ready.

She was also, reportedly, awesome in The West Wing, a program I have not yet viewed.

Yes, I AM good on that program. You should watch it.

When her character first appeared, I thought–right–this is the villain of the show.  She’s a straight up beurocratic pain in the ass.  She’s the hospital administrator–the baddie, we’re all going to love to hate.  In comparison to the heroic medical staff, who go above and beyond the rules, she’s just there to stop people from saving lives!!!….what with her clip board and crunched data and no fun skirt-suits.  But, I’m glad that by midway through the first season they sort of went a different direction.  I’m not saying she’s never the obstacle for the medical staff, but she’s much more human, hilarious, and fun to watch.  She feels more like someone who wants to be a constant ally but who has to deal with the real world whilst the others are away with the fairies.  Deveare Smith makes so much more out of a character that could have just been a stereotype and a constant foil to the heroic doctors and nurses.  Here she is talking a bit about the character.

So, award winning, theatrically trained, intelligent actress makes interesting acting choices on an acclaimed cable television series.  Slow news day, yes?  But that’s not really the whole story.  I think the main reason that I love Deveare Smith’s performance so much is because of the faces that she pulls.  I know it’s childish, but check it out and tell me it’s also not just completely adorable and sort of transfixing.  When she’s on screen I am just WAITING for that bit of gurning.  Half the time she looks like she’s straight out of the animation from Fantasia 2000′s  segment for Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue”.  The entire piece is here.  (Highly recommended viewing)

Or, if you can’t be bothered with a thirteen minute cartoon, here is a still.

Now, here is Deveare Smith’s face.

Am I right?  Who’s with me?

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April 29, 2011

Hammer Time

Flippin’ heck.  It seems that for ONCE,  a film has been released here in the UK before it was released in The States.  I’m always waiting around for an extra month or two to see the big films whilst my fellow Yanks Facebook it up about how much they loved the movies that we haven’t gotten over here yet.  And I’m not talking about some little Merchant Ivory British-funded indy fuffy-collared snoozefest…I’m talking mega-blockbuster stuff.  Because I swear by Odin’s beard, that I saw Thor on Wednesday.  Let’s talk about it as today’s great thing:

164.  Thor

So, just by the sheer fact that this is a blog about things I dig, you must have already assumed that this was going to be a positive review.  You are correct.  Thor is a well-made movie.  I went in with low expectations.  Because, let’s be honest–it had the potential to be a circus of superhero embarrassment.  Think about it, the script includes a guy with a winged helmet and magical hammer/a rainbow bridge/nasty frost giants.  Ridick!  And potentially helladumb.  But, it’s terrific– it’s entertaining, it’s wholesome, it looks expensive despite the lack of A-list celebs (well, minus Natalie Portman, that is).  Plus, I had racked up enough points on my AMC card that I got a free large popcorn and soda with purchase of my ticket.  Whatta day!  Nom nom.

What you have to consider, I suppose, is that–though Marvel co-opted the character for its pantheon of heroes–it is originally based on Nordic mythology.  As silly as some of the ancient mythological tales are, they will always have classic potential–just because everyone understands and respects the age and elements of myth.  So, even though Kenneth Branagh is a somewhat untested director–as far as blockbusters go–there is one thing he knows REAL good:  The Classics.  He is super genius in terms of Shakespearean material  and he did a pretty bang-up job in his retelling of Frankenstein.  And that’s what he was able to manipulate Thor into.–a classic.  He didn’t let us forget that he was dealing with was a tale of gods and mortals and it was fascinating.

Branagh--knows a thing or two about mythic characters.

Props to the casting director for picking a guy that actually looks like Thor.  So often, I’m disappointed with the selections made for superheroes.  Whilst Christian Bale PLAYED a good Batman, I don’t think he’s the perfect choice.  Even buffed up, he’s a bit too thin in the face and they could have dyed his hair jet black.  Yes, I’m picky, I know–typical fangirl reaction…but when you read the comics for years and years you get a definite and mostly consistent visual image and it’s disappointing when people don’t think it’s important.  The performance is important too but there are thousands of capable actors out there.  Get the perfect match of lookalike and good actor, you lazies!  Six foot-three Australian actor Chris Hemsworth, who was relatively unknown (only thing I know him from is his performance as Kirk’s dad in the recent Star Trek reboot), not only played the role well but groomed himself to match the current image of Thor as depicted in the Marvel Comics.

Well...I will look the part after some protein shakes.

There. That's better.

Though the film is just shy of two hours, it felt even leaner than that.  It started with a whizz bang–Thor is dropped onto Earth within the first five minutes, they rush into WHY that happened immediately, and then proceed to flip between Thor’s adventure in our realm and what is going on in Asgard with near perfect pacing.  I would almost go ahead and say that Branagh could have added ten minutes or so to flesh out Portman’s character a bit more (the girlfriend role is often an undernourished one in hero flicks.)  Could have also stood for another light entertainment style scene of Thor coming to terms with the difference between Earthlings and Asgardians (the diner scene–for instance–was adorable.)

Another reason to love this film is that, apparently, white supremacists hate it.  They’re pissed off that Idris Elba (of The Wire) plays Norse deity, Heimdall, and are urging a boycott.  Guardian Article

Obviously, this article just makes me love Marvel Comics even more.

In this instance, my whole stance about 'looking the part' does not apply. Heimdall is a secondary character and Elba is ragingly awesome. This casting is nerd-approved by me.

Finally, the picture cozily fits into the Marvel Universe.  Though it stands on its own, it also serves to rev up the nerd fan base for next year’s Avenger’s film.  (There is the standard “Easter Egg” after the credits roll as well.)

Hope they pull this trick off for Green Lantern.  That franchise faces similar difficulties as far as levels of preposterousness go.  (Magic space ring?  Intergalactic police force?  The power of imagination?)  I like the idea of Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan but I’m NOT crazy about how they’ve done his costume up.  I pray nightly for it.  Anyway, let’s look at Thor again, shall we?  I might be a big old homo, but my lord, look at those guns!!!

2 tickets please.

I’ll tell you what this film did…it made me, a bona-fide comic book fan, care more about a character who I haven’t paid that much attention to.  I’ve tried jumping onto Thor’s comic title before and have always left it after a few issues.  It’s just never been my thing.  From a blockbuster perspective, this is Iron Man all over again.  A less than immediately recognizable comic franchise has been made awesome.  Still…as much as I liked this incarnation of Thor, nothing can ever top that scene from Adventures in Babysitting.

Seriously, my sister and I thought this looked the double of my Uncle Leonard. Loved it. He is now Uncle Thor and that is why this is best.

Overall, I give Kenneth Branagh’s Thor 8.5 out of 10.  Here’s the trailer if you’re not already sold on it.

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April 18, 2011

The Ability to Patent Good Ideas Before Other People Do

I haven’t been particularly good of late as far as posting regular blog entries goes.  so, let’s jump-start this dead battery of a blog page with a cracking good ‘great thing’.

You know what it’s like to have creator-envy?  There are some things that I could just kick myself for not thinking of first.  Jalapeno and cheddar bagels, Angry Birds, typing the word ‘Boobies’ into a calculator.  Those concepts are all relevant to my interests and given the right time/place/level of consciousness I MIGHT have thought of them first and made my mark on society.  Today’s great thing is a terrifically simple blog idea.  I hate the fact that the idea wasn’t my own.

163.  The Daily Superpower

This page is soooo my cup of tea.  Funny, clever, and comic-book related but with a wide appeal (read: I can share my mirth about it with non-comic nerds and they too will find it amusing).  I am incredibly envious of the creative lightning that struck here.  Not only is it a gem of a website but the author doesn’t even have to think of all of the ideas himself (readers get to play a part by suggesting powers for him to draw.)  On this site here, it’s me–ME that has to think of happy things to blog about all the time.  It’s frickin’ exhausting being such a positive Pollyanna.  Yes, great things to write about are all around us…but sometimes you just want to start a new game on Scrabble for Facebook instead of writing about them.

Alas, today’s great thing isn’t my baby–it’s that of genius Kevin Delger, a Minneapolis-based artist.  A bit more about him is available at this database:  mnartists

If you haven’t sussed it out already, The Daily Superpower portrays a different unusual/humorous power for every weekday (working weekday, that is–he’s only human after all).

Simple concept, right?  After some soul-searching, as near as I can tell, the only things that would have stopped me from creating this blog are the following:

1. I didn’t think of it first

2. I can’t draw.  (Even thought his process involves starting with another illustrator’s artwork, I believe you still need a certain skill level to accomplish what he does here.–check out the ‘process’ link on his page to learn how he creates these.)

3.  I am lazy.

Here are a few samples:

The ability to make bugs huge...

Hidden compartments

Rolling pin forearms

There.  That’s all I want to show you.  Do yourself a favor now and put the site on your bookmark tab.  Here’s a link to the actual site.  Go on, click away and be delighted:  http://dailysuperpower.tumblr.com/

Anyway, like I said before, the author takes reader ideas for potential material so let me know if you send any in.  I  might send these along.

–Hangover-proof

–The ability to repel all clothing stains (I so wish!!!  I am a stain magnet.)

–Fingers can dispense condiments–gravy, ketchup, chili sauce…

Funny…those all seem SORT of linked up, in a way, don’t they?  Imagine the nights out you could have if you were hangover proof, stainproof, and could milk your own hand for gravy.  Unstoppable nightlife machine.

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March 14, 2011

One Of Your Five Froots A Day

I sure spend a lot of time on this blog wailing on about the junk food I miss from America.  Some of the longing comes as little surprise…NY pizza, sourdough pretzels, Pepperidge Farm cookies, for instance; whilst other foodstuffs totally take you off guard.  For instance, who knew that I’d wake up one morning really craving the salty, fibrous, crunch of Triscuits?  Similarly, it was only recently that I was overcome by a yearning for Froot Loops.  Who was it that famously sang ‘you don’t know whatchoo got til it’s gone’ ?  Probably someone who had to move away from the US and couldn’t get Froot Loops anymore.  Them’s the blues.  Froot Loops perfectly exemplify the sort of craving that sneaks up on you.  I wouldn’t have put this on the ‘US care package’ line-up a year ago.  But, when I learned that I could order a box from my local grocery deliver for the coocoobananas fee of £7.50 (approximately $11!!!), I decided that I’d treat myself to an expensive walk down memory lane. That’s why today’s great thing is:

162. Froot Loops

The box arrived at my workplace and immediately garnered the attention of my associates.   First off, everyone looks to see what’s in the package when things get delivered to work.  My office is open plan and people are, understandably, nosey.  I cracked open the box and they were really taken with the smell and confused by the mascot.  Many questions ensued.  What the hell are these?  Why is there a Toucan?  Why do you spell fibre that way?  It looks like ‘fibber’.  (Naturally, I rebuffed those assaults by explaining the rules of English–consonant vowel consonant makes for a long vowel.  FIIIIIIIIber, I said, condescendingly, I might add.) By the way, the reason that issue even came up is because the box proudly proclaimed that now it was fortified with fiber.  Thank God for that.  I’d hate for those delicious sugary torii to be lingering for too long in my colon.

I would also like to congratulate the product on its truth in advertising.  Fruit is never mentioned.  Froot, however, is.  And it’s chock full of FROOT, believe you me.
Someone equated the smell of the loops to candy lavender.  I wouldn’t give it that much foodie prestige…But, beyond even the strange marketing behind it, I must say that the associative nostalgia that exploded across my mind when I first opened the box was astounding.  There’s nothing over here that tastes like it (probably because the taste doesn’t exist in nature.)

What alternative reality is this from?

Though my Mom generally wasn’t a fan of sugary cereals, we were allowed the occasional box.  Cereals that straddled a respectable middle-ground were usually attained without much of a fight; that’s your Frosted Flakes, your Froot Loops, and your Corn Pops.  Cereals that were so brazen in their marketing as to essentially give a middle-finger to health-conscious Moms–your Captain Crunch, your Cookie Crisp, and your Smurfberry Crunch were harder fought battles…though we did occasionally emerge victorious.  I was a sucker for the toy-tie-in cereals.  I really loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one.  The mix was marshmallow turtle heads and frosted rice-chex like bits…those were supposed to be ninja nets or something.  Anyway, Yumabunga, Dude.

Back to the cereal in question:  In 1963, segregationist George Wallace became the governor of Alabama, John F. Kennedy gives his famous Berlin speech, Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique was published and Iron Man debuted in Marvel’s  Tales of Suspense. All in all it was a year of great importance.  It was also the year that Kellogg’s introduced Froot Loops to a nation of bleary-eyed children…children hungry for candy flavored cereal as brought to them by a cartoon toucan mascot.

Ah, Toucan Sam.  I do love the Kellogg’s mascots.  My sister and I had Kellogg’s sleeping bags when we were kids.  Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, Dig ‘Em the Frog, and Toucan Sam were all there, dancing across the fabric…lulling us to sleep with promises of delicious breakfasts in the morning.
I have tried Google Image searching that particular sleeping bag and have come up empty.  However, the search terms “Kellog’s sleeping bag” did turn up this delight.  Enjoy:

Will this do?

Anyway…just delving into Toucan Sam’s background, what’s immediately noticeable is the change-up in voice characterization between modern Sam and Sam of the 60′s. And I don’t mean just that it’s apparent that Sam’s got a new voice actor…but his accent and persona is also completely different.  Impressive fact here…did you know that he was originally voiced by the late, great Mel Blanc?  Here’s a look at Blanc’s street-savvy and playful characterization:

This commercial is a full minute!  Is that how long they used to be?  Anyway, you can see how Toucan Sam used to sort of sound like Bugs Bunny.

They later gave Sam a sort of English explorer makeover and cast Paul Frees to do the voice acting.  Frees read Sam in the style of British actor Ronald Coleman.  Coleman was a kind of Douglas Fairbanks type.  That characterization has remained consistent to this day even though Frees is no longer on the mic.

I totally see it...

Here is an example of a recent commercial:

He’s gotten himself in quite a pickle, as you can see.  It’s a mistake to let sugar-addled children decide your fate, Sam!  Don’t you know what happened to Robin in the great comic book vote?  You get made dead! Thats what happens!

Anyway, if–like me– you were worried about how this all turned out, you can catch up on Toucan Sam’s latest exploits on his Wikipedia page.  God bless you hard-working Wiki editors.

I like Toucan Sam because his main purpose is to LEAD people to food and not steal it from you like some thieving seagull!: Bastard!!!

Now, in closing, please enjoy this clip of Ronald Coleman reading a Shakespearean sonnet.  Close your eyes and picture Toucan Sam.

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February 10, 2011

The Great Indoors

Right about now is when I start to tire of winter.  I like the run up to winter (autumn, I suppose.)  And I like to have the snow all around at Christmas making everything look freshly coated with vanilla icing.  I enjoy the sentimentality of snow drifts and seeing your own breath and frozen ponds and woolly hats.  Even for the first couple weeks in January the blizzards and cold still hold some appeal (hot drinks are still in fashion and I haven’t tired of my sweater collection yet.)  But, now it’s February and my sweaters are getting all pill-y and I’m tired of tracking in icy mud to the apartment and there’s no good hills around here to sled on anyway.  The only holiday we’re looking forward to is Valentine’s Day…an overpriced and contrived forced recognition of romance.  (OK…I DO celebrate it…but only because I don’t want to be that much of a misanthrope), and whilst conversation hearts are sort of funny–VDay alone can’t make up for how annoying winter has become.

Look...my sweater is exhausted of me.

So, in honor of…or despite February’s continued bluster, today’s great thing is about staying indoors.

161.  Mail Order DVD Rental

Really, if I’m not going to go out, I can’t think of a nicer way to spend a chilly evening than with a nice glass of red wine, curled up on the couch, candles lit, popcorn popped and DVD ready to be played.  I love everything about the concept of mail-order rental.  I love selecting from a huge list available on-line.  I love the opportunities to write little reviews on the site.  I love that there’s no limit to how long you can hold onto the movie–though one time I had Saving Private Ryan for so long that the company sent an email letting me know that if I didn’t want to watch it now, I could get it later.  Most of all, I love getting things in the post.  Birthday every day!  (Or just about weekly…which is how often I complete films and send them back.)  The only downside is that you miss out on the immediacy of things.  But, some times it’s worth being patient.  If you’ve waited until DVD release to watch a film, chances are you can wait a bit longer.

I remember when I was still living in The States and my friends subscribed to Netflix.  I was clammy green with envy.  I wanted it but had to wait because I was in the process of moving back to NYC from LA…then I got wrapped up in things and forgot about it…  Then, when I got over here, it was one of the first things I did…subscribing to a mail order rental service.  I opted to go with a company that stocked loads of television series as well as films.  I go with Odeon Direct as they have a good teevee to movie ration.  But not everyone was as excited as I was to receive films through the post–actual rental shops for a start.  However, the advent of new ideas/technology has often made the film industry quake.  There’s good precedent for it.  First, movie theatres thought they were doomed with the advent of video rental.  Then video stores thought they’d go out of business with mail order (which sort of turned out to be true), and now mail order may pass thanks to downloads on demand.  But, I will never be an internet pirate…downloading films whether it’s legally or illegaly…simply because I love getting crap in the mail.

I'll tell you why video stores are going the way of the dinosaur...30 copies of each Kate Hudson movie.

Mail order DVD rental allows me to see all sorts of stuff that I either missed in the theater/was too embarrassed to see in person/missed because I wasn’t alive when it was released.

Here are the last ten DVDs that I rented:

Knight and Day–OK, this is one of those slightly embarrassing ones.  But, I typically control/hog the DVD rental queue because Karey doesn’t bother herself with it and I knew that she wanted to see it.  We watched it together on a lazy Sunday night.  It was silly…but not as bad as I thought it would be.  It was, at the very least, entertaining.  I do have to say, however, that whilst I used to find Tom Cruise bulletproof (he was so magnetic a movie star that it didn’t MATTER what people thought he did in his own Xenu-worshipping time–he’s TOM FRICKING CRUISE and he does his own stunts!!!), suspicion of his weirdness is indeed starting to creep in for me and is tainting my film-enjoyment.  I’d give this 6.5/10

Dan in Real Life–Here’s a film I rented because I like Steve Carrell and because it came with a big thumbs-up from my family who had seen it.  I liked seeing Steve Carrell in a slightly more serious role…but I was expecting this film to be funnier than what it was–though Dane Cook’s presence should have lessened those expectations.  Weird film for Juliette Binoche to be in…but she was good.  This film had the unexpected tone of a family dramedy which I totally wasn’t expecting.  Decent but not as good as the fam led me to believe.  6.5/10 again.

Cruel Intentions–I’m only mildly embarrassed to admit to this one.  I missed it when it came out and since then it’s become such a pop culture touchstone…referenced frequently in film media and comedy.  So, I felt I had to have a look.  I’m not sure if this film STARTED the trend of lit adaptations geared to young audiences/set in modern times (a’la Clueless), but it sure is smuttier than any of the others in the genre I’ve seen.  Trashy and dumb with terrible performances from everyone involved.  Still glad I saw it though.  Now I know what everyone is talking about.  3/10.

Away From Her–I cannot tell a lie. I sent this film back without watching it.  I had every intention of viewing it.  I liked Sarah Polley in Go and this film, as directed by her, was supposed to be a terrific effort.  But, it turns out, the prospect of viewing a wrenching and realistic portrayal of a couple dealing with Alzheimer’s just was not an easy sell.  I couldn’t motivate myself to load it into the DVD player and Karey, compassionate as she is, felt she wouldn’t be able to handle the heavy drama.  So, sorry Sarah Polley.  I’m sure it was great.  Score N/A.

This movie also went...Away From Me

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo–Much debate with some friends about the whole Millennium Trilogy recently.  Lots of folks are adamant that the US shouldn’t bother to remake these films.  I recently posted pics of Mara Rooney as Salander on my Facebook page and it was polarizing.  Whilst I’d agree with some of the posters on the thread including the point that Americans should make a bigger effort to support foreign films…I stand by my confidence in David Fincher.  I think his versions will best the Swedish ones.  I found this movie watchable but nowhere near as good as the book.  The best thing about it was the star-making turn of Noomi Rapace.  Don’t know if Mara Rooney will create the same splash…we’ll see.  Anyway, I’d give this: 7.5/10–good acting, slight misfire with the tone of the movie vs tone of the book.

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist–This was cute.  My partner found it funnier than I did.  Michael Cera is sort of skating on thin ice with me.  I like him but was turned off by his whole uncooperative attitude with the Arrested Development flick.   Come on dude…let’s not get so big for our britches, OK?  Arrested Development gave you your break.  Without it, you’d just be another weird-looking hipster doofus waiting for that right audition.  Anyway, the film was sweet.  I liked the female lead, Kat Dennings.  She was curvier than most girls that are in films and I liked that.  Good role model.  Yes, you can still look healthy/sexy if you have boobs and a butt.  Comparisons to John Hughes films are fair.  If I were a fifteen year old it probably would have helped define me AND made me want to move to NYC.  7.5/10

Anvil-The True Story of Anvil–Yes, the reviewers got it right.  It pretty much is like Spinal Tap but for real.  Funny, sad, uplifting…with one showstopper of a metal jam.  It’s got it all.  Except maybe miniature Stonehenge.  A worthwhile documentary…8.5/10.

Frankie Boyle Live–I’m making a bigger effort to familiarize myself with big names in British stand-up.  It’s not good to be in a car-share to a comedy gig and NOT know who they’re discussing.  So, this is part of my education.  Frankie Boyle is a Scottish comic who sells out big rooms over here.  He’s pretty funny but he’s recently landed himself in some hot water for offending with some sketch comedy shows he did.  I do think he’s a button pusher…and being mean to people for comedy purposes can get old.  This is an hour or so of him being mean and funny. I enjoyed it for the most part and I’m glad to know more about his style…but I don’t feel like I have to race out and watch more of his stand-up.  I pretty much get it…he’ll do a bit…then talk to someone in the crowd and call them a c-word.  7/10

Waitress–We have a rule in the household that any rental that enters the DVD gets a twenty-minute grace period.  If we’re not enraptured by that point we remove it and send it back.  Sadly, this got gonged off.  After 20 minutes we both decided it wasn’t worth the time.  It was cute but not compelling.  Maybe if I knew for sure that I would live to be 200 years old, I’d watch it…but you only have one life to live and it didn’t seem worth the extra hour or two.  That’s time when I could be playing video games.  I can’t really give honest feedback, but for not being thrilling enough to beat the 20 minute rule, Waitress gets 4/10.

This title sounds like it was made up for Seinfeld.

Felicia’s Journey–This is a film that’s currently in the house which we haven’t watched yet.  Atom Egoyan, the director, is an Egyptian/Canadian auteur.  I added this to the queue ages ago because I was briefly obsessed with Elaine Cassidy, an Irish actress.  I think she looks like my partner Karey.  Karey objects loudly and fervently to this.  I THOUGHT it was a compliment because I think Cassidy is pretty…but there you go.  You can’t win them all.  Anyway, I may actually view this and not give it the Away From Her treatment.  But who knows…it DOES look emotionally complex and Karey is completely disintersted.  Score N/A.

The Crazies–This is the other film we have in the house right now.  I’m not a nut for horror films but I do like to watch the ones that get positive attention and I thought I’d give it a go.  Anyone seen it yet?  Score N/A.

I can’t wait to watch these last two films so that I can put them in the post and get new surprises in a week!  Long live Odeon Direct and long live the British post office and long live my couch cushions!

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January 30, 2011

Michael Winslow, Eat Your Heart Out

When it comes to the abilities of animals which I am jealous of/covet, the list is super long.  They’ve got all kinds of sweet powers.  Mankind…big deal!  Besides our abilities to cast shadow puppets and our capacity to create sandwiches, being a human is rubbish–with our doughy flesh that goose-pimples in the slightest of breezes and our stumpy molars that can barely crack celery!  We’re not nearly as hard-core as we think we are.  There isn’t a race (besides maybe a motor one) that an animal couldn’t completely humiliate us in…running, swimming, slithering…hopping…eating offspring…beasts will best us 80% of the time all the time.   That’s why the superheroes of dynamic fiction are often inspired by nature–a man with spider abilities or that of a hawk, for instance.  I’d love to have a prehensile tail of a monkey, the razor-sharp teeth of a piranha, the outstanding night vision of an aye-aye, the flight of a swift, the camouflage of a chameleon, the healing horn of a unicorn,  and the ability to breathe under water of a fish.  Only one of those animals if fictional.  Can you believe it!  A horse with a magic horn seems far more likely to exist than a lizard that can change colors!  Isn’t the world weird?  It sure is.

Anyway, today’s great thing is an animal that is truly remarkable and has a super useful talent…which is probably why it is on the Australian dime.  Take that, Franklin D. Roosevelt!

160. The Lyrebird

…of which there are two types, The Superb Lyrebird and Albert’s Lyrebird.  Both are equally awesome as far as I can tell.  The main difference is that the Superb Lyrebird is bigger, whilst the Albert’s Lyrebird has an interesting piercing.

I'm a fancy MF.

Like so many weird and fascinating creatures who have seemingly taken a divergent path from straight-forward evolution…the kangaroo, the duck-billed platypus, Kylie Minogue…the lyrebird is from Australia

The birds don’t fly very well…they scratch at the ground with their feet to kick up leaves where they find worms, bugs, and seeds to eat.  Don’t be hating, I’m sure it’s delicious.  They are runners more than flyers, lovers rather than fighters, band geeks more than football jocks.  The special thing about the lyrebird is that their courtship displays are crazy amazing.  They put sooooo much effort into it.  It’s half karaoke and half choreography…but their vocal impressions are absolutely mind-blowing.  Have a look-see:

What a stunning display, yes?  How can one animal make all those different noises when I can’t even do a half decent British accent after living here for five years?  Gor Blimey!  It all comes down to the syrinx, which is a bird’s vocal instrument.    The word comes from the Greek for pan pipes.  Of all the Passerines (songbirds) in the world, the lyrebird has the most complex.  Still, what’s a syrinx and how does it work?  How does the lyrebird make its magic?  It’s a good question…in this case posed by an inquisitive beatboxer…and answered by a kindly scholar:  Answers

Yeah, that's a pretty good DeNiro. But EVERYONE does a DeNiro.

 

The thing is, they’re not just one-trick ponies, so to speak.  Beyond the mimicry, the birds are also accomplished hoofers.  Their courtship displays can be quite the marathon of tail-fanning and hot-stepping. (The tail feathers, by the way, take seven full years to develop.)  They’re also sort of slutty.  Well, man-hos at least.  The male of the species will impregnate as many females as they possibly can.  (This should be relatively easy as I don’t know how anyone could resist all the feather-swishing and chainsaw noises.)  The females are always left as the sole parent of the single egg.  All this behavior, the singing, dancing, preening, sleeping around and then taking off when things get heavy, pretty much makes the lyrebird the rockstar of the animal kingdom.  I think Albert’s Lyrebird should be renamed Brett Michael’s Lyrebird.

A group of lyrebirds is called a ‘musket’.  I can only figure that this is because they are as exciting as a bunch of guns going off.  They are beaked dynamite!

There is an interesting anecdote about human interaction with lyrebirds that I found on a few different websites and feel compelled to share.    This text is lifted from Avian Web, which in turn is sourced from: The Lore of the Lyrebird, by Ambrose Pratt, the Endeavour Press, 1933.  It involves food offerings, dirt mounds, and a hydraulic ram…

During the early 1930s, a male lyrebird, called “James”, formed a close bond of friendship with a human being, Mrs. Wilkinson, after she had been offering food to him over a period of time. James would perform his courtship dance for her on one of his mounds which he had constructed in her backyard — and he would also put on his display for a wider audience, but only when Mrs. Wilkinson was one of those present. On one such occasion, James’ performance lasted for forty-three minutes, and included steps to a courtship dance accompanied by his own tune — and also included imitating perfectly the calls of an Australian Magpie, and a young magpie being fed by a parent-bird, a Eastern Whipbird, a Bellbird, a complete laughing-song of a Kookaburra, two Kookaburras laughing in unison, a Yellow-tailed Black-cockatoo, a Gang-gang Cockatoo, an Eastern Rosella, a Pied Butcherbird, a Wattle-bird, a Grey Shrike-thrush, a Thornbill, a White-browed Scrubwren, a Striated Pardalote, a Starling, a Yellow Robin, a Golden Whistler, a flock of parrots whistling in flight, the Crimson Rosella, several other birds whose notes his audience were not able to identify, and the song of honey-eaters (tiny birds with tiny voices), that gather in numbers and “cheep” and twitter in a multitudinous sweet whispering. In order to mimic the honeyeaters’ singing faithfully, James was obliged to subdue his powerful voice to the faintest pianissimo, but he contrived, nevertheless, to make each individual note of the soft chorus audibly distinct. Also included in James’ performance was his perfect mimicry of the sounds made by a rock-crusher at work, a hydraulic ram, and the tooting of motor-horns.

I just want to say…whilst in absolutely NO way condoning bestiality…I sort of hope that James the lyrebird got at least to second base after that.

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